Candle Talk
by Roxanne Kowalchuk
Summary: What does Daniel armed with a new staff weapon get?


Title: Candle Talk  
Author: Roxanne Kowalchuk  
Feedback: roxette@ilos.net Please send back to me. Not the list. Thank you. :)  
Category: S/J, humor  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions,  
Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is  
for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is  
intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.  
Summary: What does Daniel armed with a new staff weapon get?  
Archive: SJA... and anywhere else.  
  
**********  
  
"Now do you understand, why we don't let you carry weapons?"  
  
"Ah, no."  
  
"Come on Daniel, think about it. Do we ever let you carry one?"  
  
"Well ya. I maybe an archeologist but you do let me carry guns from time to time. Don't  
forget that Jack."  
  
"Oh ya, very true. But, what else don't we let you do?"  
  
Getting it, Jack's point, Daniel answered his question. "Play with staff weapons."  
  
"Bingo! We have a winner here."  
  
"I get it Jack."  
  
"Do you? Really?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"So next time, you won't what?"  
  
"Pick the new staff weapon up."  
  
"Oh goody, you get it."  
  
"Yes I do."  
  
"Finally. So what are you going to do to fix the problem?"  
  
"I'm not going to do anything."  
  
"And why not?"  
  
"Because."  
  
"Because is not an answer. Well it is, but that's my answer. You can do better than that."  
  
"Jack, I'm no electrician."  
  
"So let me get this straight," Jack begun. "You blow the main fuse box to a million pieces and   
you now just tell me that you're no electrician. Some help you are."  
  
"Jack, you know I'm an..."  
  
"Ya, ya, I know," Jack replied as he cut him off with a wave of his hand. "Don't remind me."  
  
"Fine. I'm just trying to make a point."  
  
"Ya okay, I understand your's. But do you understand mine?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And it's what?"  
  
"Don't let an archeologist use a new staff weapon."  
  
"Good Danny Boy."  
  
Shaking his head, Daniel looked to Jack. "You can't really blame me any ways."  
  
"And why not?"  
  
"Because it was really Teal'c's fault."  
  
"How?" Jack asked as Teal'c finally moved. He had been standing behind them watching the  
work in progress. The work on the fuse box that was.  
  
"Because."  
  
"I told you not to use that answer. That's mine. I'll start charging you."  
  
"Okay, okay."  
  
"Why do you say it is my fault, Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c finally asked.  
  
"You gave me the staff weapon."  
  
"I did not. I placed it against the wall to go help Samantha Carter and you picked it up,"  
Teal'c explained as he tilted his head.  
  
"It was going to fall."  
  
"Ya right!" Jack objected.  
  
"It was."  
  
"When I leaned it up against the wall, I made sure it was not going to fall," Teal'c explained.  
"I did not want the weapon to go off in the base, Daniel Jackson."  
  
"It went off because of you, Danny."  
  
"Honestly, I caught it as it fell."  
  
"Daniel, don't lie to me. I know you remember."  
  
"Jack, does it look like I'm lying to you?" Daniel asked as he tried to keep a straight face.  
  
"Yes." Turning to Teal'c, Jack spoke to him. "What do you think?"  
  
"He is not telling the truth, O'Neill."  
  
Turning back to Daniel, Jack continued. "See, we both agree."  
  
"Okay fine, so I wanted to try the new staff weapon. How was I suppose to know that it gave  
a kick like that. Sheesh, blame the poor scientist."  
  
"Okay, we will," Jack replied as he moved so that an electrician could get to the fuse box.  
"Hmm..."  
  
"What is it, O'Neill?" Teal'c questioned.  
  
"I don't think we're any help here."  
  
"That could be true, O'Neill," Teal'c agreed. "I will leave."  
  
"Good idea," Daniel agreed. "I'm out of here."  
  
"Don't break anything else, Danny."  
  
"Trust me, Jack. I won't," Daniel said as he wandered off in the darkness.  
  
Turning to Teal'c, he pointed his flashlight at Daniel. "Keep an eye on him. I don't want him  
breaking anything else."  
  
"I will, O'Neill."  
  
"Thanks Teal'c," Jack said as Teal'c wandered off in the same direction that Daniel had just  
gone in and he, himself wandered away in the other direction.  
  
*****  
  
The whole complete mountain was in darkness. Not even the back-up lights were on. They  
were out too. Just because of one very curious archeologist. He just had to pick up the new staff  
weapon and fire it. The end result. Total darkness.  
  
Cursing, Samantha Carter shook the living daylights out of her flashlight. But it didn't help.  
The flashlight ended up dying. Throwing it across her lab, she heard it hit something and either  
shatter or bounce. She didn't care. She was in total darkness. It was a good thing she knew the  
layout of her lab.  
  
Opening a desk drawer, she fumbled around inside of it. As she poked her finger on  
something, she swore under her breath. "Damn! Daniel, you're a dead man!" He just had to pick  
up the new staff weapon and try it out. Although beside him blowing the fuse box to a million  
pieces, she also had to kiss the floor to save herself from being fried to death, by the beam  
discharged from the staff weapon.  
  
Pulling out what she hoped to be a candle, Sam dug for the matches, or the lighter she kept in  
the drawer. When she found the lighter, she flicked at it a couple of times. When it came to life,  
she saw that in deed she did find a candle. Lighting it, she then let the lighter die. Placing the  
candle in the middle of her lab table, she sat back down on her stool. There was nothing for her to  
do.  
  
Total darkness. Total blackness. Totally Daniel's fault. He was going to pay. She actually had  
plans for tonight, but because Daniel just so kindly had to destroy the fuse box, she was now  
stuck in her lab in the dark. So instead, she sat in the dark, fuming.  
  
*****  
  
Jack checked on several people. He wanted to know how they were doing. First he stopped by  
General Hammond's office. He was doing just peachy. Still fuming. And ya, he still wanted to kill  
Daniel for his little deed, but eventually that would pass. Jack figured when the lights would turn  
back on.  
  
Next, he visited Janet. He needed a friendly face. But he didn't get one. Janet was also fuming.  
Not because she had any patients. There was none. But the fact that she too had plans and was  
stuck. Jack quickly got out of the infirmary before he landed in bed in Daniel's place. He didn't  
want that.  
  
The next person he visited, well in a way he kept this person for last, was Sam. Knocking  
lightly on the open door, Jack peeked in. "Carter?"  
  
"Over here," Sam answered as she turned towards the door with her candle in her hand.  
"Hope you have good news?"  
  
"Nope, the electrician's are still working," Jack answered.  
  
"Great!"  
  
"I take it you had plans too."  
  
"Who else had plans?"  
  
"Janet."  
  
"Ya, we were suppose to take Cassie out. Although, that's not going to happen now," Sam  
explained as she sat back down on her stool and placed her candle back on the lab table. "Stupid,  
Daniel. He's going to pay for this."  
  
"I think you better take a number."  
  
Looking up, Sam looked over at him over top of the flickering flame. "Take a number?"  
  
"Well ya. I think General Hammond has one, Janet has two and you have three."  
  
"What about you?"  
  
"Oh trust me, I'm on that list."  
  
"Ah, good. He's not getting away with this one."  
  
"I believe you."  
  
"Good. Speaking of Daniel, where is he?" Sam asked as her candle went out. "Damn!"  
  
Walking into her lab, Jack took the stool across from her and put his flashlight down. "He's  
somewhere in this mountain. Teal'c promised to keep an eye on him."  
  
"Good."  
  
"Where's your flashlight?"  
  
"Somewhere over there," Sam said as she pointed pass Jack.  
  
"Why is it there?"  
  
  
"It died."  
  
"Ah. Got no more batteries?"  
  
"Nope, just the candle," Sam answered as she relit her candle.  
  
Watching the flame dance around, Jack shut off his flashlight. Looking up, he saw Sam  
watching him. "Yes?"  
  
"Why'd you turn the flashlight off?"  
  
"To save the batteries."  
  
"Ah."  
  
"The candle is better."  
  
"It is?"  
  
"Ya."  
  
"Ah."  
  
"Carter, you really have to get a better word."  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"You can't always say ah. It'll start to sound like you're at a doctor's office."  
  
Giving her head a shake, Sam spoke to Jack. "You always like this when the lights go out?"  
  
"Nope. I'm usually more passionate."  
  
"You passionate? I can hardly believe that," Sam answered as a smile lingered on her lips. She  
could take his answer in two different ways.  
  
Jack only meant it in one. "Oh ya. Really passionate."  
  
"I see. Well wait, actually I don't."  
  
"To dark?" Jack asked.  
  
"Nope, we're just a little to far apart."  
  
"I could fix that."  
  
"You could but when you moved the last time, the candle went out."  
  
"True."  
  
"Yup."  
  
"I could turn the flashlight on."  
  
"You could but don't you want to conserve power."  
  
"Ya, I do."  
  
"But?"  
  
"But I could show you, me as a passionate person."  
  
"This I would have to see. Although, maybe with some lights."  
  
"Nope, no lights."  
  
"No lights?"  
  
"Nope, don't need them."  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Yup, the candle or several candles will do just fine."  
  
"They will?"  
  
"Yup, they sure will."  
  
"Ah."  
  
"Carter..."  
  
"Sorry, I forgot."  
  
"I've noticed."  
  
"But I haven't forgotten the passionate."  
  
"Neither have I. I can still show you."  
  
  
"But the candle will go out."  
  
"Ya, I remember."  
  
"Ah... sorry sir."  
  
"That's okay, you remembered."  
  
"Yup, I did."  
  
"So do you have anymore candles?"  
  
"I'm not sure, I would have to check my desk."  
  
"You should."  
  
"Do you want me too?"  
  
"Be good, if you did."  
  
"Okay," Sam said as she got off her stool. Pulling the drawer out all the way, Sam searched.  
She found three more candles. Closing her drawer, she sat back down on her stool. "Found  
three."  
  
"That's good. You gonna light them?"  
  
"Yup," Sam said as she grabbed hold of her lighter and lit them. After they were lit, she put  
the lighter back on the table, spread the candles apart and looked back to Jack. "There we go."  
  
"Nice candles."  
  
"Thanks. Some were gifts."  
  
"From?"  
  
"Friends."  
  
"Ah."  
  
"Hey, that's my word."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"That's okay, I forgive you."  
  
  
"Good. Hey Carter."  
  
"Ya."  
  
"If I do move now and a candle goes out, we'll have back ups."  
  
"That we will."  
  
"So should I move?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You don't remember."  
  
"Refresh my memory."  
  
"I want to show you how passionate I am. Remember the lights are out."  
  
"Oh yes, I remember now."  
  
"So should I move?"  
  
"It's really up to you, you know."  
  
"Is it?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Letting a minutes worth of silence flow by, Sam finally spoke up. "So?"  
  
"So what?"  
  
"You going to move?"  
  
"Oh, I'm not sure."  
  
"I still want to see how passionate you are."  
  
"You do?"  
  
"Of course. You're the one who brought it up."  
  
"Oh ya, I did, didn't I."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well than."  
  
Another minute passed.  
  
"Jack?"  
  
"Yes Sam?"  
  
"You going to get up?"  
  
"I'm still thinking."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Staring at the candles, Jack blew two of them out. The ones closest to him.  
  
"Hey, what happened?" She was referring to the candles.  
  
"They went out," Jack sort of lied, but not really.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Ya, bummer," Jack said as he slid off his stool and walked around the lab table.  
  
"Not very good and I can't see the lighter."  
  
"That's okay."  
  
"Is it?"  
  
"Yes," Jack said as he stopped right beside her. "Not to worry."  
  
Feeling a presence beside her, Sam instantly knew who it was. "Jack?"  
  
"That's me."  
  
"I've noticed."  
  
  
"Well I'm done thinking."  
  
"You are?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"And what did you come up with?"  
  
"I'm going to do it."  
  
"You are?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"You ready?"  
  
"For you being passionate."  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Give it your best shot."  
  
"Sure, will do."  
  
And yet, another minute passed.  
  
"Jack?"  
  
"Hmm..."  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"I can see that. Well not see, but I hope you get my point."  
  
"Got it, don't worry."  
  
"Good."  
  
"Have you seen the flashlight?"  
  
"Nope, sorry."  
  
"That's fine," Jack said as he searched the lab table. He soon came up with it. Turning it on, he  
pointed it towards the ceiling.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Being passionate."  
  
"What?" Sam questioned as he started to make shadow puppets.   
  
"See. I'm passionate."  
  
Groaning, Sam couldn't believe it. She was sure he had meant something else from it. But if  
he all he meant was that he was passionate about shadow puppets, she had her sights set too high.  
  
"What do you think of this one?"  
  
"Lovely," Sam replied.  
  
"And this one?"  
  
"Nice. A real beauty."  
  
"Actually I find you a real beauty," Jack countered.  
  
That peeked her interest. "What?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
"Didn't say a thing."  
  
"Oh."  
  
But yes he had. And he knew she had heard him. Doing another shadow puppet, he  
questioned her. "How about this one?"  
  
"What's it suppose to be?" Sam asked. She had to clue.  
  
"It's my own creation."  
  
"Ah."  
  
Dropping his hands, Jack turned to her. "What did I say about that word?"  
  
"Ya, ya."  
  
"I guess I'm going to have to help you come up with some new words to say."  
  
"And how are you going to do that?"  
  
"Easy."  
  
"Easy?" Sam questioned just as Jack turned off the flashlight. "Conserving energy."  
  
"Actually no. Not really."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Trust me, Sam."  
  
"I do," Sam said as she felt a pair of lips descend on her's. Right away, she knew who's they  
were.  
  
When he pulled away, he heard her moan. "That was almost a new word."  
  
"I won't quite call that being passionate," Sam countered as she got up off her stool.  
  
"You won't?"  
  
"Nope, not by a long shot."  
  
Placing his hands on her face, to steady her head, Jack leaned in and kissed her, again.  
"Now?" he asked semi out of breath.  
  
"Getting there. Is that all you got?"  
  
Dropping his hands from her face, Jack wrapped them around her and dipped her. He then,  
before she could speak, covered her lips with his. And this time, he didn't come up for what  
seemed like a good long time. But when he did, he quickly questioned her.  
  
Problem was, Sam was out of breath.  
  
"I take that as being passionate," Jack said as he watched her nod her head.  
  
"You gonna do that again?" Sam asked as she tried to get her breathing back to normal.  
  
"Only unless you want me too."  
  
  
"Of course I do."  
  
"Okay," Jack said just as the back-up lights flickered on. "Great!"  
  
Watching him, Sam came to a conclusion. "You don't do passionate on with the back-up  
lights on?"  
  
"Well..."  
  
"I get it," Sam said disappointed.  
  
But then the back-up lights went out and the regular lights came on. Looking at Sam, Jack  
could see the disappointment. Stepping back from her, he walked to her door and shut it.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Being passionate."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
Walking back to her, Jack stepped right up in front of her. "I'm passionate whether the lights  
are on or not."  
  
"You are?"  
  
"Oh ya," Jack said as he took her in his arms and kissed her passionately again as the two last  
remaining candles flickered.  
  
  
*****  
  
Feedback is welcomed. :)   
  



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